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How to become an ideal parent?

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How to become an ideal parent for your child?

Speech to parents of primary school students

If you don’t like the behavior of your child, if he often annoys and angers you, if you are not happy with his successes at school, then all these problems can be solved. You just need to change your relationship with him. After all, it has long been known that “problem”, “difficult”, “naughty”, “impossible” children, just like children “with complexes”, “clogged” or “unhappy” - are always the result of improper relationships in the family. How to build relationships with the child so that he is obedient and successful, and we would feel the joy of being parents?

On the page of today's issue of our newspaper, we will give you some tips - the principles on which your relationship with your child should be based.

The first principle is unconditional acceptance. What does he mean? This means - to love him not because he is handsome, smart, capable, excellent student, assistant and so on, but just like that, just because he is! Psychologists have proved that the need for love, for belonging, that is, for the need for another, is one of the fundamental human needs. Her satisfaction is a necessary condition for the normal development of the child. This need is met when you tell the child that he is dear to you, needed, important, that he is just good. Such messages are contained in friendly looks, affectionate touches, affectionate words: "How good that you were born with us," "I am glad to see you," "I love when you are at home." The well-known family therapist Virginia Satir recommends hugging a child several times a day, saying that four hugs are absolutely necessary for everyone just to survive, and for good health, development and success, you need at least eight hugs a day! (And, by the way, not only to the child, but also to the adult). Similar signs of unconditional acceptance are necessary for the child, as food for the growing organism. They nourish it emotionally, helping psychologically develop. If he does not receive such signs, then emotional problems, deviations in behavior, and even neuropsychological diseases appear. Unfortunately, experts say that now we have more of these children. This is due to the fact that parents began to pay less attention to their children, due to more employment at work, more employment precisely with their personal lives, their hobbies. As a result of testing, psychologists determined that parents communicate with their children a day - 4 minutes, if this excludes questions: “Have you eaten today? What are your grades? ” And then we wonder why our children do not know how to communicate?

Often parents ask: “If I accept a child, does this mean that I should never be angry with him?” No, it does not. In no case should you hide and even accumulate negative feelings. They must be expressed, but without screaming, insulting and humiliating the child.

The second principle - you can express your dissatisfaction with the individual actions of the child, but not the child as a whole. Remember! A child is always good, but an act can be bad. It is necessary to separate the child from the act. And if you tell the child: “You are so good with me, but you did so badly. I hope this does not happen again! ” Thus, you convey to the child faith in him, the belief that he is good, and it will be more difficult for him to repeat a bad deed.

The third principle - you can condemn the actions of the child, but not his feelings, no matter how undesirable or “inadmissible” they are. Since they have arisen in him, then there are reasons for this. It is necessary to be attentive to the experiences of the child. And of course, sometimes his experiences, from the height of our life experience and his own problems, seem insignificant and groundless, but believe me, his grief: about a lost toy, a broken knee or an offensive word from a classmate - is real, and as great as our troubles and experiences. And to share his grief, understand his experiences and treat them with attention and understanding is very important.

The fourth principle - Dissatisfaction with the actions of the child should not be systematic, otherwise it will develop into a rejection of it. And let’s remember how often we frustrate our children with irritation and discontent caused by the difficulties of our own lives (unpleasant words from the boss, difficulties at work, low salaries or unreliable relationships with friends.) Are our claims and demands on our children often true?

". Least of all love goes to our beloved people. "B. Okudzhava.

But we can and must change that! Anyway, before it's too late. Oh, how often this happens! A parent of an 8th grade student comes, understands that relations with his own child have reached a dead end and bring disappointment, resentment and pain. And to establish relationships is much more difficult than when the child attends elementary school. Very often they ask me: "What should I do if I have no time to talk with a child?" Answer: “Yes. Parenting requires a lot of effort and time. And as I understand it, you have more important things to do. It is worth realizing that the order of importance of affairs is up to you to choose. The fact, known to many parents, can help you in this choice, that then it takes tens of times more time and effort to correct children lost in parenting ”. The choice is yours.

The main task of elementary school is to teach the child to learn. And only in this case, high school education will be successful and achieve the goal. And in this teacher can not do without the help, support and certain requirements, in relation to the child, parents. Teach to learn - what is it? It:

  • To teach how to collect a briefcase,
  • Do homework (always that's it!),
  • Praise for success (even minor)
  • Believe in the child, that he will cope!
  • Interested in what was interesting at school? What did he learn today?
  • Allow the child to make mistakes and correct them. (This is normal).
  • Laughing with him, if funny, upset, if - sad.
  • Play some games
  • Read at bedtime, at least 15 minutes is the time and your undivided attention is very important for the child.
  • To teach the child to tidy up his workplace, after completing the lessons (and of course to clean the bed always and independently).
  • Be mindful of sleep patterns. Children at this age should sleep 10 hours. This is necessary for the assimilation of information received during the day. After all, when we sleep, relax, our brain works - processing information (remembers, sorts) received during the day.
  • Be sure to protect the child from the aggressive effects of television programs. Be careful what your children watch and how much
  • Discussing read fairy tales, stories - there is no better way to improve your child’s speech development.

Remember, children learn what they see around them in life:

Parenthood Definition

For someone, the ideal parent is someone who does not depart from the standard scheme. That is, he sends the child to kindergarten, takes him to the doctor if he is sick, then teaches lessons at school together, helps with exams at the university. These points are the main criteria for an ideal parent. Moreover, in such a model of parenthood, time is not spent on developing a house, communicating, and making friends with a child.

But, andthe perfect parent is not the one who will feed, clothe, shod, send to the doctor. This is the one that will dig deeper - into the psychology of the child and in his needs.

To be an exemplary parent, you can not force the child to do something by force, resorting to threats. Simply explaining why this needs to be done. You will be surprised, but your miracle can do a lot - from self-consumption of food in one year to the completion of lessons without a mother at 7 years old.

Do you really want to be the perfect parent? After all, it is easiest to fulfill the standard generally accepted obligations to your child - to feed him, to dress according to the weather, if he gets sick - to a doctor, buy a toy and that's it. It is more difficult to talk with children, explain their point of view to them and try to understand what the baby really wants. The ideal parent should:

  • Respect children
  • Give the little person complete freedom of action,
  • Do not perceive the child as incapable, limited, small, etc.,
  • Treat children as equals,
  • More often ask your baby what exactly he wants, and not dictate his rules,
  • Do not punish, do not raise your voice, do not use physical violence.

Skills and abilities

What should an ideal parent be able to do? What skills do you have?

  • Be a real optimist and believe in your crumbs. You should encourage any undertakings of children, arouse enthusiasm among crumbs, and help to reveal such a quality as “determination”. Children in whom they believe and love (and do not forget to tell them about it) are statistically much happier and more successful in life.
  • Help the child solve the problems and problems that he faces every day. If something is angry with your children, show and explain to him how to deal with feelings of anger, aggression, what to do in conflict situations. If the baby is scared of something, then help him overcome these fears. The secret is that you learn to talk with the child, listen to his thoughts.
  • Compassion, worry, hug. Recent studies in neuropsychology have shown and proved that the lack of empathy, empathy and even some pity for their own children affects their learning process, and also determines the situation in society and regulates relationships with others.

The parent's task is to determine what their child wants. He doesn’t want to eat - he doesn’t need, he doesn’t want to learn lessons - why, he wants to walk - well, he doesn’t want to go to school - for what reasons, who offended him, how relations with children and teachers develop.

Respect baby

The “old” upbringing tells us that a child must be punished if he does wrong. If he nahalil, broke something, naughty, then the place for such children is in the corner. It turns out that the parent does not know how to explain the crumb that it is impossible to act in one way or another and chooses the easiest way - to punish. Bad parent behavior is transmitted to the child - everything is very simple.

The ideal parent, in terms of psychology, pediatrics and parent-child relationships, will not use the whip. He will talk, explain what was right in this situation and what is not, and he will find ways to solve the problem with the child, if there is one.

Children do not need to be punished, they are not animals, they need to be respected and loved!

Help the baby not only in small matters and errands, but also in life in general. The system of modern education is aimed at the fact that a small person should be like everyone else - to study well, not to get sick, to run / jump, not to be naughty, not to be rude. But, if the child does not manage to study well? If he wants to spend more time playing active games, and for example, become an athlete? An ideal parent will help his child develop his abilities, and not follow generally accepted standards such as "study hard and don't stand out from the team."

Already in childhood, you can understand which aspects of the personality you need to develop in a small person, and which ones to leave alone. Remember! Both a small and an adult should do in their life what brings them happiness.

An ideal parent is not just a beautiful phrase, it is a huge work not only on children, but above all on themselves. You need to learn how to perceive a small person not as his own property, but as a full-fledged personality, who already shows his own character when he is 1.2 years old and older.

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