In the age of social networks and online dating, the question of how to start a conversation and what topic to talk about is of concern to everyone who has at least once encountered a similar situation.
For various reasons, people experience communication problems and are forced to rack their brains over the question of how to behave when communicating with others. There are many different tutorials on how to be an interesting conversationalist and what to talk about, if not what. This topic is discussed in special courses, blogs and psychological literature.
Unfortunately, not everyone is given a natural charm and not everyone has a “suspended" language. It is far from easy for everyone to overcome shyness and the fear of being rejected when they get to know each other, as well as to prove themselves as an interesting conversationalist who can talk not only about good weather.
Why we have nothing to talk about
Before biting your elbows and hanging a label of a dull interlocutor, you need to try to find out why there is nothing to talk about with a new acquaintance or even with a person whom you have long known.
The reasons for the constraint in communication are very diverse. Most psychologists conditionally identify the main causes of difficulties in building a conversation.
Most communication problems arise precisely because of a lack of understanding of communication algorithms. Dialogue is transformed from a natural process into an impossible task. A person simply cannot realize what to tell him, what manner of communication will be appropriate, what to talk about, if not what, and so on. The only way out in such a situation is finding a contact interruption. Various aspects of building communication can be incomprehensible.
It is known that in different situations we build communication in accordance with certain scenarios. They depend on the situation in which we are, with whom the communication is currently taking place. The key to choosing the right model of behavior is, first of all, the social status of the interlocutor: a person close to him, subordinate or boss. Some people confuse these concepts, which can negatively affect the process of communication.
The result of such a substitution of concepts is familiarity or, on the contrary, an overly formal or even arrogant attitude towards loved ones.
Formal and informal setting
Each team has certain rules of conduct. If this is an official group, then these rules are clearly spelled out, but in other cases, people have to adapt to the environment on their own. Violation of unwritten rules of communication is also not welcome, and if they are violated, communication difficulties may be experienced.
One of the most important components of any dialogue is non-verbal communication. When a person does not know what to talk about, if not what, he starts to get nervous and chooses topics that are not entirely appropriate. Not every interlocutor can directly say that the topic of the conversation does not suit him, then he begins to send various signals, including using sign language.
They say that there are topics on which you need to communicate especially carefully: these are politics and religion. Some jokingly add football to this list. In reality, this list is much wider, since any topic can be a trigger for the interlocutor and cause negative emotions in him. Especially cautious should use "black" humor.
The language barrier is one of the most obvious causes of communication difficulties. However, problems may arise between speakers of the same language. It depends on the level of education, place of residence and upbringing of people.
Another common cause of communication problems is fear of communication. Fear can be caused by excessive shyness, complexes, injuries, transfer of someone else's experience and many other reasons. The main difference between this misunderstanding problem is that due to fear, communication may not begin at all.
Many people are afraid to express their emotions, talk about their thoughts and defend their point of view. Moreover, as a rule, most of them are afraid not only of starting a conversation, but of being rejected, ridiculed. Often this problem is experienced by young people who do not know how to start a conversation with a girl. While their bolder comrades make full use of any, even the most banal, methods of dating and are popular with the opposite sex.
Personal hostility can also be a very good reason for communication difficulties. In this case, you don’t even have to think about what to talk about, if not what. Under such circumstances, a person, in principle, has no desire to start, much less continue a conversation.
It is not for nothing that the proverb “meet by clothes” exists. The cause of personal disgust can be an untidy appearance, problems with personal hygiene, an external resemblance to an unpleasant person, and even a dubious reputation.
The problem of interest is a very subtle concept. Both inadequate and excessive interest in the interlocutor do not contribute to normal communication at all. Excessive interest in a person can cause him fear and, as a result, rejection. The lack of interest, logically, will just negate communication.
How to make communication easy and easy, and what to talk about, if not what?
First of all, you need to choose those people with whom it is easy and pleasant to be near. Do not force yourself if you don’t want to engage in dialogue. Secondly, you just need to work on yourself and your self-esteem. Get rid of the complexes, work out the injuries of the past, if necessary, consult a psychologist.
Among other things, it is necessary to develop: do what you love, read books, live a full life.
Of course, you need to learn not only to speak, but also to listen. To be an interesting conversationalist means not only chatting about yourself incessantly, but also giving a person a chance to speak out. The key to interesting and productive communication is the exchange of information and positive energy. Be yourself, drop fears and doubts, speak, listen and you will be happy!