Unfortunately, for many people, retirement is not accompanied by joy, but by stress, longing and apathy. How to adapt to your new social status and continue to enjoy life after retirement?
Our expert is a psychologist, family art therapist, business coach Olga Zavodilina.
It is no secret that many of us simply do not know how to live for ourselves. And where does this skill come from, if from childhood we were taught and taught that it was bad ?! For such people, work becomes a kind of platform on which they rely in search of the meaning of life. Having lost this support, the newly made pensioner feels lonely and useless to anyone. Often such experiences lead to depression, endless illness, or constant interference in the lives of loved ones.
Sickness as a hobby
The situation when a person who was peppy and healthy a few months ago, when retiring, literally begins to "crumble into pieces", alas, are not uncommon. Sometimes the reasons for this condition are not in physiology at all. This is how the psychological crisis manifests itself, which forces the pensioner to seek support from others. The way to get attention is the disease. After all, relatives will not refuse to visit if the native person feels bad. And for single pensioners, the only way to get at least some kind of communication is endless visits to doctors.
In order to get out of this state, it is necessary to find a new meaning in life, which will gradually replace regular visits to the clinic and give much-needed communication. Think about what you could do in retirement. Many people are helped by the so-called “list of 25 wishes”. Remember what you once wanted to achieve, but could not because of lack of time. Maybe you wanted to learn how to sew and knit, or have you always dreamed of becoming a florist? See what you can implement from this list. Do not grab onto everything, start translating one desire per month. Have you chosen sewing or knitting? Go to the exhibition, learn about the courses and master classes that are held in your city. Visit them. Decide for yourself which direction you like, and begin to master it. Went to exhibitions, workshops, sewed and tied? Are you bored? Proceed to the next paragraph! Get seedlings, go to a lecture for gardeners. By the way, they are often held in botanical gardens and entry for them is free for senior citizens. Sometimes such a hobby becomes a source of income. For example, growing violets on a windowsill can eventually develop into a small flower salon at home, whose clients will initially be neighbors and relatives, and then strangers.
Of course, immediately finding the meaning of life is not easy. Try to start small. Think of what at least one day will be dedicated to! For example, today is “sweet day” when you bake cakes and cheesecakes. And tomorrow is a “day of walks", which means you go to a museum or park. Each of these meaningful days will become a brick in your new life, full of opportunities that you were once deprived of because of work. And each of them will gradually teach you the main thing - to live for yourself, and not for the sake of the work or the money that it brought.
Give up old views
Very often, a person is affected by stereotypes, perceptions and beliefs that prevent him from living for himself and enjoying a retired life. The old image of a pensioner that is familiar to post-Soviet people is a ruin that sits on a bench, gossips, or does nothing for itself. Allow yourself to abandon such ideas. To do this, take an interest in successful people of your age, retired and faced with the same feelings as you. And if they managed to get out of this crisis, then you will definitely succeed. Just start to afford it. Replace negative statements about yourself and your new status with positive ones. For example, instead of “I am already old to start something new” - “I have already gained enough wisdom and experience to allow myself to take up an interesting hobby.” Or, “Retirement Life Completed,” change to “I’ve already done a lot, and now is the time to do what I’m interested in.” And act in accordance with these new ideas.
Sometimes retirement is accompanied by real depression. A person ceases to want something, it seems to him that old age has come and that it remains only to live out his term. No need to put an end to yourself. Be an example for your children or acquaintances. Show them that life doesn’t end at retirement, that leaving work is not a reason to go down, turn into a slut, or fall into apathy. By setting such an example, you will gradually become accustomed to your new status, cease to regret the past. However, it is often difficult to get out of depression without the support of a professional psychologist. Feel free to ask for help!
It happens that, leaving work, a person does not lock himself in, but rather begins to actively intervene in the life of loved ones. Teaching by a pensioner leads to conflicts in the family.
The reason is still the same - the inability to live one's own life, an attempt to hide from oneself, "burrowing" in other people's problems.
Most of all, in such a situation, the environment of the pensioner suffers, and it is the close people who should support him. Do not show negative emotions. Thank mom or grandmother for caring and try to come up with her
some occupation. Often buy her tickets to the theater or to exhibitions, bring invitations to dating parties for the elderly. Of course, you should not expect that mom will immediately and enthusiastically accept all your suggestions and immediately become a regular in a cutting and sewing group or cooking classes. But it is important not to give up and not be offended by failures. The task of loved ones is to push the pensioner out of the space where he locked himself. Show him something new. And this can be done in only one way - to find what really interests an elderly person.
However, a pensioner himself can do something. If you are painfully anxious to teach someone to live, do it professionally! Write memoirs! Start a blog on the Internet where you will publish useful tips (for many, this is also an occasion to learn how to use a computer). This will provide not only the opportunity to share life experiences, but also become an additional source of communication!
Everyone knows that older people are just like children! They can be capricious, do not understand something, and sometimes even annoy. In this regard, many senior citizens become notorious people. Especially with new complexes are those people who were previously highly qualified specialists. The fact is that some employers themselves send their employees to retire. Most often, this turns out to be an unexpected turn for former employees.
Every working person has an incentive. He seeks to relax, eat deliciously and earn money, but with the retirement, his previous aspirations are lost, and any rest becomes ordinary. As a rule, relations with close people are violated during the same period. So, for example, when all the household members are busy or in a hurry somewhere, the elderly person begins to feel especially unnecessary. It should be noted that many people have almost no friends by the age of 50, or they live far enough away. In addition to psychological problems, pensioners may be faced with a lack of responsibilities. For example, their own children live separately, and grandchildren study, go to kindergarten or remain under the supervision of someone else.
In fact, all of the above problems are not unique. But most often it is these factors that cause the onset of diseases and age-related problems.
In order not to fall into depressive states, you should adhere to some recommendations:
• Find your favorite pastime. No matter how trite it may sound, but it is a hobby that can deliver psychological satisfaction. Moreover, this does not have to be a creative direction.
• Earn or save money. A pension can be half the previous salary, for which sometimes a person is not at all ready. Or perhaps the newly made pensioner dreamed of building a house or buying a summer house. And now, having finished work, you should realize all your dreams. In this case, you can find ways of extra income.
• Do not lose confidence. Upon retirement, a person automatically becomes old. But it is worth remembering that all young people, at times, do not want to listen to the comments or notations of the elderly. In other words, each pensioner should close his eyes to minor problems and not take everything to heart.
• Communicate. Perhaps the benefits of positive communication are known to many. Communication is not only a good mood, but also a guarantee of psychological health. But as for the elderly, they should find more acquaintances and even, possibly, friends. Do not despair if dating attempts are unsuccessful. In the world there are a lot of people who are willing to accept new friends.