Throughout life, a person is faced with situations that undermine his trust in people. How to restore confidence?
I want to immediately clarify this issue.
Trust is one of the basic concepts that is formed in very early infancy, from the moment of conception to 1 year.
Throughout life, no one and nothing can undermine your trust. You may encounter events and people who will only amplify the processes that began long before the event that caused the pain.
Every person who causes us pain and suffering repeats only what has already been in our lives.
No man but our parents can destroy our trust; he can only hurt, but not destroy.
Confidence collapses only in relations with parents and with an almost destroyed trust or just beginning to collapse, a person enters adulthood. A rock that is not undermined by water or wind will not collapse.
So trust, will not be destroyed by the actions of one person.
And if there were more than one such people, then this is another question about love and self-confidence: Why do you surround yourself with people who destroy your trust.
Are you trying to reproduce a painful event every time, hoping for a different outcome?
In the period up to 1 year, mother is the conductor and the only connecting link for the child with the outside world.
Mom is not only a guide to the world, but also a mirror for the child, in which he sees himself and receives the first and most important idea of himself.
It is only through mother and her care that the child gets an idea of the world - what it is, the world he was born into - warm, bright, kind, joyful, calm, giving or cold, moody, angry, anxious, dangerous.
The child’s view of the world consists not only of her mother’s care for him, but also of her emotional state.
If the mother is depressed, anxious, upset, then all her emotions and her internal state are transmitted to the child.
Through her condition, the child perceives information about himself, concluding in his infant unconscious that he does not want, no one was waiting for him here and was not welcome here, he is the cause of all mother’s misfortunes and sufferings.
Mom’s condition forms not only the child’s self-image, but also the world’s image as not accepting it, rejecting and bearing danger.
The issue of trust is the most important in a relationship. They say that love has a twin soul - it is trust.
If a person has not laid the foundations of trust in himself and in the world, then in no way will real trust appear.
We very often associate trust with the behavior and qualities of another person. We want to see irrefutable evidence that the other person will not hurt us and suffer, will not leave, will not betray.
Any action passes a serious test, and sometimes not a very serious one - whether it can be trusted or not.
The slightest mistake is a conclusion - no, you can’t trust him, you shouldn’t open up with him much, it’s better to keep your heart closed than to get pain.
But trust turns out not so much to depend on the actions and actions of others, but on our ability to endure pain and experience it. And the ability to experience pain depends on how mature our Self is, how much it has grown from its childhood state.
In a relationship, the potential for pain is most scary, which means trust is always on guard and cannot be trusted.
As soon as the ability to endure pain increases and a person is confident in his abilities to adequately survive the pain, then he will trust more.
In fact, other people's actions should not undermine the value of themselves. If I am an adult, then it will not stick together with another so much that if you lose another, you have to tear off pieces of meat and blood from yourself.
Adult people love each other, penetrate each other, but do not stick together. As a wave washes a rock, filling all the voids and again connecting with the water retreats into the depths of the ocean.
Trust is the ability and ability to interact, rather than enslave another into an object to meet their needs.
Trust is a very multifaceted concept and consists of the smallest particles.
If inside of us there is first of all confidence in ourselves, we trust ourselves and love ourselves, then in the face of betrayal, humiliation, rejection and injustice, we will experience pain, but it will be tolerable.
Deep love for oneself will allow you to maintain an inner island of stability, stability and tranquility; love for yourself when meeting with pain will be a life-saving beacon in a dark, raging sea, where, although scary, the goal is visible and it makes sense to move on.
When meeting with suffering, the earth will not leave from under the feet, the world will not crumble, and the feet will not be fried in a hot pan.
Love and trust give people the ability to experience pain and go through suffering without breaking the basics of the inner core.
On the other hand, if a person has deep confidence in himself, then there will be trust in people and the world.
He will be confident in the best qualities of people and will not expect bad things about himself. We perceive other people through our own prism. As you know, our fears always pave the way for other people's actions. As a rule, what happens in a person’s life is what he fears.
Confidence in yourself is also the ability to trust your inner voice, your intuition. Very often, a quiet inner voice tells us something, but due to distrust of ourselves, we never listen to what he tells us. Due to the momentary pleasure and the apparent satisfaction of our needs, we agree on what we absolutely do not need in life.
The lack of self-love and trust attracts appropriate people into our lives; we attract what corresponds to our internal vibrations.
How to restore confidence?
Trust does not need to be gained, it needs to be restored. A child is born into the world with absolute trust and love, in the process of interaction, he loses the miracle that is given to everyone by nature.
Each direction in psychology has its own methods and means for gaining confidence.
I, in turn, deeply believe that trust can only be restored as a result of a long relationship with the analyst.
Only in a permanent and long-term relationship, in a non-evaluative setting, in accepting the other as he is, will faith in itself be born and confidence in itself will be restored.
The longer and deeper the relationship between the client and the analyst, the brighter are all your repressed unconscious impulses, fears, desires.
Only in a safe and warm, trusting environment is it possible to live everything that has accumulated over the years inside you.
The analyst knows how to contain his feelings and use them to work with a client and understand his inner experiences, which cannot be said about your partner.
Confidence is born in relations with mom and should also be restored in a safe relationship.
Only by gaining new experience in relationships is it possible to transfer this experience into real life trusting oneself, people and the world as a whole.
I’ve been thinking a lot about trust lately - partly because something came up that touched the usually securely hidden part of me.
I wonder what exactly am I afraid of?
Did I ever trust at all, or was it just a temporary illusion?
How many amazing things I have destroyed with disbelief!
I was always able to cope with what I met in life, but the question remains open: why am I afraid?
No relationship will remain without trust - whether friendship, love, work or play.
It all comes down to one thing - trust.
Maybe I really don’t trust myself?
Do I believe that I can make the right choice?
After all, who but me knows what is best for me?
They say that it’s selfish to do what is good for you, but I know that not doing it leads to destruction.
Where is the balance?
And what will happen to me if I spit on doubts and trust?
Maybe the thing is who to trust?
it doesn't seem to work, does it?
I'm back where I started.
And so, the dream is only one choice, right?
I hope this does not lead to the same torment as a lack of trust ... ”(Klaus Joel "The Messenger")
Love to all of you, peace and goodness.
With love, Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
How to regain trust in a partner
When a person by any action, deed, or a series of them destroys trust, his partner ceases to believe "by word". Trust can only be restored through a series of specific actions.
The proposed methods are suitable for couples who want to maintain a relationship and restore confidence in them. Due to the situation that destroyed confidence and subsequent actions to restore it, revaluation of values and reloading of relationships occur.
The presence of trust in a relationship is a guarantee of personal freedom. Therefore, the price of returning trust is a limitation of freedom. The price can be from low to very expensive. Choose the options that suit you and your partner. On the issue of restoring relations, it’s important to agree!
Agree that your partner: