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How can a girl grow up psychologically

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You have long been “for ...”, but you still behave childishly. The saddest thing is that you do not notice it. No, you do not refuse to eat porridge and do not wear bows on your head. You just look at the world from the point of view of the child.

As you know, we all come from childhood. And in each of us and in adulthood remains something childish, sweet and touching. No wonder they say: “Be like children!”

Childhood is the ability to marvel at the world and perceive its brightness and novelty. This is the ability to be direct, the ability to reveal to others their feelings ... And this is wonderful. But sooner or later, the time comes when we have to take responsibility for what is happening in our lives. And then it sometimes turns out that we are not ready for this at all. We are used to having someone solve something for us all our lives. And, having escaped from under the parental wing, we are again looking for a person who will take responsibility for us. It can be a man, girlfriend, neighbor or colleague ...

Well, what’s wrong with that, you say. Yes, essentially nothing. Until this leads to drama. And it all ends in conflict, divorce, dismissal from work ... Because the other person refuses to answer for you, he has enough of his own problems.

What actions are characteristic of a “woman-child”? For example, you defiantly pout your lips and stop talking to your husband if, in your opinion, he committed some kind of misconduct, instead of discussing the situation ... you arrange a tantrum and stamp your feet, trying to get you a new fur coat or take it on vacation to where you want ... you are capricious and demand from those around you one thing or another ... you cry if someone offended you ... You remember the insult for a long time, even if it’s completely trifling ... you always blame only other people for your troubles and never yourself ...

Doubt it? Follow your vocabulary. The phrases often slip in it: “I don’t want and I won’t!”, “And I’ll do it to you in spite!”, “I will show you!”, “I will remember this!”, “I will never forgive you!”, “ It’s you who’s to blame for everything! ”,“ It’s her to blame for everything! ”In addition, you love telling people that it’s hot, stuffy, cold at the moment that you want to eat, drink, use the toilet, you have a headache, you are tired, and in general, you are uncomfortable ... And they are obliged to provide you comfort, no matter what it costs them ... After all, a child usually does not think about the convenience of other people, because he is incapable of I used to think that he is simply saying that it is bad, and waiting for that adults resolve the problem.

Another characteristic feature of women - "girls" - to call everyone in a row diminutive names. Indeed, if there are only cozy “Helen” and “Marinochki” around, then our “girl” feels safe. By the way, others pay her the same coin. If at forty you are all called Irochka or Masha, then there is something to think about, because "a small dog is a puppy to old age." Most likely, you are simply not taken seriously.

Many "girls" are good in their roles, and they remain in it until old age. But in most cases, problems arise. The husband is bored with the vagaries and unpredictability of his wife and child. A friend gets tired of listening to complaints about how, unhappy, everyone offends her. Colleagues may be tired of redoing poorly performed work for the “girl” or covering her when she instead of work flips out for another meeting. Attempts to talk "heart to heart", as a rule, lead to new insults. The "Girl" can’t understand why everybody took up arms against her, so good.

The science fiction writers Marina and Sergey Dyachenko have a wonderful novel "Migrant", the action of which takes place on a planet whose inhabitants pass the Test - an examination on the right to "be your own master." This means taking responsibility, controlling yourself. Those who do not pass the exam become “dependent”, someone else is responsible for them, they are limited in their right to control their own destiny.

So who do you want to be - “your own mistress” or “dependent”? As a kid or an adult woman? If you nevertheless choose the latter, then you should first recognize that your fate depends on you personally, and not on someone else. That you are building a family on equal terms with your husband, that you have work responsibilities that no one will fulfill for you, that your relationship with your mother-in-law or neighbor is not your fault, and that it’s your fault that the children do not drive you into the coffin because they are initially bad, and also because you raised them like that, and, finally, that nobody owes you anything for nothing.

Realizing this, ask yourself: “What can I do to change my situation?” It is “me” and not “others”! Develop a plan, start acting, taking into account not only your own interests, but also the interests of other people. And it is possible that everything will really change for the better.

Change your image

The first impression of a person always develops precisely in appearance. The “blue stocking” is treated like a cramp, mired in science and not seeing anything around, but they don’t notice the “gray mouse” at all. Therefore, every girl always wants to stand out and dress catchy. And what do you look like if you see only a naive girl in you?

Little girl

Stripes, bows, frills, pink saturation. Such - "Miss Pink Brains" or "Animeshka". The girl obviously does not want to grow up. She has a mountain of plush toys and Barbie dolls at home. Until now, such a girl keeps her diary in a notebook, describing her impressions manually. Yes, and she tries to fake a voice for children.

Some actresses have a special role - “engineering”. This is when adult aunts play little girls. Well, like in our old movie "Cinderella." At that time, by the way, the actress who played the main character was 37 years old. But this is a movie, and in life it often happens that girls, and even adult women, flirt, staying for a long time in childhood.

Therefore, if you have the same children's image - change it immediately. You will see how the attitude of people around you will change when elegant evening dresses and business suits come to replace dresses with frills. At least outwardly, you still win.

Freak fashion

If you haven’t gotten a tattoo and haven’t inflamed lips, then you are in luck. Because such a fashion, fortunately, is already passing. It seems that the image makers of the passing time simply mocked their customers. A girl who looks like an inflatable doll from a sex shop causes, if not laughter, then bewilderment - and how did she manage to?

Today, such selfies of girls with monkey lips and empty eyes are a great reason to stretch their tongue to wit. Anyway, today such an "inflatable doll" is a visual image of female dullness. If you still have the idea to do something similar with your body, then here is what awaits you:

Filling a tattoo is painful. But it’s even more painful to reduce it, and the scars will remind of themselves. What seems relevant to you in a drawing or inscription of a tattoo may soon seem superfluous. This is not a marker drawing, it just doesn’t pass. Yes, and the years go by, and the old woman with the tattoo looks funny.

Puffy lips. These two dumplings look disgusting. They, of course, can be "pumped" back (and that’s not all), and not all women manage to regain their former fresh look. Moreover, you also have to wait six months for metamorphoses to occur in the opposite direction.

Modern dubious fashion + tattoo + monkey lips. Imagine, soon, when this idiocy passes, you will erase your selfies in horror. 100% you will be embarrassed by such photographs, which means that you will have absolutely no memory of your youth. It's a shame, right? Therefore, this advice is - do not run after an abnormal fashion, just dress and decorate yourself with style.

The importance of self-education

The school teaches literacy, universities give a specialty, life experience gives wisdom, but what kind of mind others perceive you depends on your self-education. To be a fool among friends, colleagues and classmates is not a very high honor. To say the least. Therefore, without reading morality, here are two articles to help you that will help you:

  • What to ask a man in order not to look like a fool in his eyes - here you can learn about the right communication with the stronger sex,
  • Facets of female stupidity - there are tips on how to erase the shell of the infantile fool, for which you may be mistaken.

Survival School

But pay special attention to this chapter. If you do not have life experience at a young age, then you can make up for it in three stages. True, not yet fully, but they may be useful in the future.

Surprisingly, most often, psychological maturation comes to those young people who had a hard time in childhood. Difficult family, disorder in the lives of parents, an outcast in the class - such a person taught life to be a strong spirit and to survive fate in spite. And the exact opposite is his peer major, not adapted at all for life, and he is unlikely to survive if he finds himself alone in a difficult situation.

If you grew up from childhood caressed and spoiled by parental attention, but want to grow up on your own, try to go through three stages. Just try not to stop in the middle. These are not circles of hell, but it will be difficult.

Stage One: Robinson Crusoe

“Rocking chairs”, gyms, fitness shmitnes - this is certainly good. To maintain good shape and health. But this does not give growing up. Try joining a group that loves tourism. Only not the tourism that is on the beach near the hotel, but the real one - with tents and bonfires. And even better - where there is a share of extreme sports, such as alloys.

What it will bring to you:

You will learn to live in society without the usual benefits. At first it will be hard for you to sleep on hard ground in the sleeping bag, but this is a good test for you personally.

You will temper your character. In such trips, sissies have no place - everyone has his own duties, which he must fulfill without whims.

You will learn to survive in difficult conditions. It is not known what surprises fate can bring to you, but the skill will already be.

You will get rid of the many phobias that you had before this time: spiders, water depth, darkness - all this in the future will seem trifles.

Supporting the whole group in difficult survival will teach you to value friendship and understand people - who are weak in spirit and who, on the contrary, can be relied on in difficult times.

And most importantly - soon you will realize how romantic it is.

Stage Two: “Volunteer”

For many, volunteering is associated with something disgusting: is it something like changing old diapers and scrubbing feces in animal enclosures? No, this is voluntary and selfless help to those who are much worse than you. There are other people to maintain their hygiene if you are so squeamish.

First of all, this is psychological help, this is precisely the lesson of the school of survival for you. If you feed at least once a spoon of a feeble old man somewhere in the hospice, you will begin to understand what life is inside out, which means you can become one more step older.

Only no activists - no politics, no law enforcement in the streets, as young people on Youtube like to PR now. Forget about dog kennels for now. You need people. With real stories. In homes of the disabled and elderly, on the streets, distributing food to the homeless, in orphanages. To be able to listen to them and penetrate their fate.

What it will bring to you:

You will understand that not every homeless person is a person who has sunk to the bottom, that sometimes children can be stronger than an adult, that a disabled person tries not to differ from a healthy person, and that even an old person grabs a straw to live even a little longer.

You will become more merciful and more patient with people. Understand that your tiny little problems are nothing compared to strangers. Your horizons will expand. And from that moment on, idle girl gossip about anything will disgust you. Condemning people without knowing about their problems will not be in your rules.

By encouraging such people and charging them with your optimism, you will give people at least a ray of hope. And this means that another step towards your growing up has already been laid - it was your kind word that has become very significant for someone.

Stage Three: "Independence"

Perhaps this stage will be the most difficult for you. You will have to make decisions for the whole month. Remove housing separately from relatives. Not even an apartment, but a corner of some grandmother or a dorm room. The more difficult the conditions, the better.

Take a temporary job with daily pay. No, not prestigious, but simple. For example, a maid, a seller in a store or market. Exactly for the time of independent living. And try to live on your income. But with one condition - at this time no one should help you even a penny - neither your parents nor friends.

What will it give you:

You will learn to value every ruble earned, especially if with your requests you had to live on porridge cooked on water alone.

Unlike Robinson Crusoe, you will also live in society, but without a single support, which means that you will temper your character even more.

You will learn what injustice is - when employers cheat in money, when friends can turn you away from you in a difficult situation, and you have to find a way out of the situation yourself, not hoping for anyone.

You will begin to truly appreciate your loved ones, not making them whims with the words "I want!". You will cope with your selfishness.

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January 23, 2012, 8:00