Useful Tips

Relations at a distance: tips on how to keep


The co-author of this article is Jessica Engle, MFT, RDT. Jessica Ingle is a relationship consultant and psychotherapist from the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009, after receiving a master's degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed family and marriage psychotherapist and a registered dramatologist with over 10 years of experience.

The number of sources used in this article is 26. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

No one says that maintaining relationships at a distance is easy, but that does not mean that they are doomed to failure. If you give them enough time and attention, such relationships may be even stronger than those in which geographical remoteness is not an obstacle. Simple changes in habits, lifestyle and overall mood will help you maintain intimacy with your loved one.

1. Avoid the temptations

Do not allow yourself to find yourself in situations that could lead to deception of your partner.

You should not spend every weekend with your attractive colleague. When visiting vacation spots, drink in moderation.

Knowing yourself, determine the scope of your own behavior, and do not suppress the established line.

2. Identify your communication model at the very beginning.

At an early stage in the development of relationships at a distance, discuss how you will keep in touch (telephone, instant messengers, social networks), at what time and for how long.

This can help identify the most realistic expectations and avoid possible misunderstandings, anxieties, and frustrations.

3. Increase the priority of communication with each other

You may need to make an effort to make changes to your usual daily routine in order to determine the time that is convenient for both of you to devote to communication, especially if the distance between you involves a time difference.

But if you do not want to meet your girlfriend (boyfriend), consider another option: do you need such a relationship?

4. Avoid excessive communication

Despite the above, being intrusive is not a good idea.

Of course, communication with your partner should be a priority for you, but he should not take the form of the only important thing.

Do not overdo it with the communication mode and do not spend all your free time talking or texting.

9. Do not avoid difficult questions.

As your relationship deepens, do not try to avoid questions that may lead to an uncomfortable conversation.

Be open to sincerity by practicing a discussion of issues that may make you vulnerable.

If you want an ideal relationship, you need to be prepared to talk about everything.

11. Diversify communication

If you are used to always talking to each other on the phone, exchange long emails.

When composing a text message, you are able to think and express yourself differently than during a conversation.

Letters will provide you baboutmore time to reflect more deeply on complex issues. In addition, later they can act as “souvenirs of the past” when you reread them again.

14. Learn to control emotions

Relationships at a distance are often accompanied by strong contrasting emotions, alternating with ups and downs.

A feeling of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubt and fear can arise completely spontaneously. Unpleasant emotions can be replaced by a feeling of extreme excitement, joy and happiness.

Learn to recognize and manage your own emotions, which is sure to pay off for you in the future. If you don’t know how to do this, perhaps acquaintance with information about awareness can help you.

15. Learn to control jealousy

Jealousy is a completely natural companion to relationships at a distance. At the same time, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to suspicions, an excessive feeling of possessiveness, insecurity, anger and shame.

If you feel jealousy, learn how to stop being jealous before negative emotions can enslave you.

17. Honestly discuss the financial side

If you are experiencing difficulties in the field of personal finance, concealment of this fact can cause misunderstanding and resentment, why you cannot meet in the near future, or if one of you considers that he spends much more money on maintaining relations than the other partner.

An honest discussion of this issue will help you avoid conflict situations.

18. Discuss the basic rules of your relationship

Confidence is a serious problem for many people who are in a relationship at a distance.

Discuss your status as a couple, your expectations from a partner, what kind of behavior you will not tolerate when you are apart, and what both of you mean obligations and deceit.

A discussion of these issues and any growing feelings of jealousy or anxiety will help resolve many misunderstandings in the long run.

21. Partner Reminder

It is no secret that distance makes the heart beat faster, but another statement is also true: the absence nearby erases from memory.

Make sure you have a reminder for your girlfriend or boyfriend. To do this, put their photo on the laptop desktop, attach it to a mirror or drink coffee from a mug that your loved one has presented to you.

24. Pay attention to loved ones

If you focus your free time and energy solely on romantic feelings, your relationship with loved ones can suffer from this.

Your life will be more complete and eventful if you have a strong relationship with your friends and family members, for which you need to spend time with them.

26. Make meetings saturated

When you visit a loved one, do not spend all the time sitting on the couch or dissolved in bed.

Instead, have fun: have fun in the company of mutual friends, visit a new restaurant, etc.

In addition, you can do household chores together, for example, together prepare a delicious dinner.

28. Pamper yourself after parting

Farewell to a loved one, saturated with the awareness of an imminent meeting, can cause frustration and apathy.

Think in advance how best to reduce the negative impact of harmful thoughts during the first few days after the end of your meeting: give yourself a gift, get out into the nature, visit the gym or pool.

30. Trust each other

Being far from a loved one, it is not so difficult to start doubting everything: what your girlfriend or boyfriend is really busy with now, what they really feel towards you.

But if your partner did not give you reason to doubt yourself, take a deep breath and continue to trust.

31. Trust yourself

Still, do not blindly rely on trust. Do not ignore the signs when you think something is going wrong.

Long-distance relationships provide more opportunities for cheating, so trust yourself too.

It makes no sense to maintain the fire of romance when love is not mutual.

34. Deliberate move

Life in a new city will be the beginning of a completely new stage in your relationship. Therefore, think in advance of all the possible problems that will accompany your move.

Place of residence, study, work, habitual occupations - all this will require restructuring, and therefore do not rush to take these or those decisions in a hurry.

35. Be prepared to learn new about a partner after moving

You can learn a lot about a person by being in a relationship with him over distances. However, it should be borne in mind that a person can be fully characterized only with sufficiently long personal communication.

Be prepared to learn something new about your partner when you finally start living together.