Useful Tips

How to talk with a guy who doesn't like you anymore

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Whether he is your former lover, former friend or just a guy with whom you used to communicate, it can be difficult to keep in touch with a person who is pleasant to you, but who, however, has lost mutual interest in you. Perhaps you need to communicate with him at work or in the company of mutual friends, you want to maintain friendship, or you are just one of those who are experiencing difficult partings and quarrels. Maybe you previously rejected the relationship he proposed, but now your feelings for him have changed. Finding incentives and the courage to keep in touch with a guy who doesn't like you anymore may not be easy, but if necessary, try a few of our tips.

  1. 1 Try to look at the situation from his point of view. What happened between you that changed his attitude towards you? Maybe you did something to annoy or annoy him? If so, maybe you should behave differently with him, for example, chat less, ask fewer questions, or less notice his flaws, etc. Either you hurt him by rejecting him for no good reason, or you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, although before that you had given cause for hope. Having understood the reason for the alienation, it will be easier for you to look at the situation from its position. Maybe he is hurt or offended by your act and expects your apologies, or feels awkward and considers it appropriate to avoid communicating with you. Participation and empathy will help you better understand his motives and find a way to overcome his detachment.
  2. 2 Try to figure out why you want to continue chatting with this guy. If you just want to make him reevaluate your past relationships and repent, then these are not the most noble motives. This may further alienate him from you. On the other hand, if you sincerely wish to maintain friendship, this goal will benefit both of you, and the attempt is worth the effort.
    • If you need to communicate with a person through work, hobbies or social activities, then this is an important reason. This can be a good argument if he asks why you are trying to make contact with him.
    • If you communicate in one company and do not want to cause inconvenience to friends and force them to be intermediaries between you, this is also a good motive for strengthening relations.
    • If this is your ex-boyfriend, and you regret the breakup, then, of course, you should try to return everything, but this is not always possible. The result will largely depend on the reason for your misunderstanding or quarrel.
  3. 3 Be careful with an apology. If you really did something bad, then it will be very helpful to ask for forgiveness. But if you do not know why he stopped talking to you, an apology can only worsen the situation. You will look as if you are trying to incur non-existent guilt. If you are sure that you have not done anything wrong, you should not apologize inappropriately.
    • Apologize only when necessary. If you made a mistake or did wrong, admit it, ask for forgiveness and move on. You do not need to focus on the problem again and again, otherwise you will sow unnecessary embarrassment on both sides.
  4. 4 Do not set requirements, conditions and do not bother the guy. If you want to resume communication, such actions will only harm. This is especially difficult if you were in a romantic relationship and would like to get it back. Be friendly and discreet.
    • Greet him and smile at every meeting. If appropriate, you can afford some friendly gestures.
    • Ask him to help you with something. This can cause him a friendly reaction if you really need help, for example, with complex homework or work issues. You can ask him to repair some things, help to carry heavy objects or just ask for advice.
  5. 5 Do not rush things. If he avoids you because of feelings of uncertainty, awkwardness, or fear, it will take time to restore his confidence in you. And especially if you have committed some bad deed. Whatever the reason for his lack of sociability, continue to be friendly and natural. Let him know that you do not demand from him anything more than a simple opportunity to talk at ease. Do not force things, expect something, hope to return to the past, and even more so, try to take revenge on him.
    • No pressure. In the matter of restoring relations, more is prohibited than permissible. Particularly strange are the attempts to quickly regain relationships that have long been considered lost.
    • Behave more restrained. Are you used to being a friendly pat on the back? Now just make friendly gestures without bodily contact. Do not familiarly rub his shoulder and do other similar things in the old habit!
    • If you want to establish bodily contact, let your touch be soft and unobtrusive. Do not rudely and unexpectedly violate his personal space. You can touch your hands or shoulders, but you do not need to stroke his neck or hold his hand for a long time. Such gestures may look too deliberate and scare him off prematurely.
    • CAUTION: If you had a long break in your personal relationships on your own initiative, and then you suddenly decided to "reward" him for his patience, you may have to compete with another girl for his attention. In this case, delay can forever deprive you of a chance to return your former lover, to whom you again have warm feelings.
  6. 6 If appropriate, invite him to a short conversation. If necessary, let us know that you do not intend to discuss the restoration of relations or other "emotional" topics. Invite him to a cup of coffee, briefly explain why it is important for you to maintain communication with him, what are the actual reasons. Here are some sample dialogs:
    • "Dima, I know that it's all over between us, and I put up with it. But I would like us to continue talking. For example, last Wednesday I needed to submit that report, and I needed your statistics. I was so it’s embarrassing to send you an email, instead of just going in and asking for a list. I think we should be able to communicate freely with each other, at least on working issues, and even better as friendly colleagues. "
    • “Listen, I don’t want to discuss what happened. We both know what has been done is done. But I wouldn’t like to have obstacles between us. Andrei, Maxim, Marina and Julia often ask if we can meet again as a friendly company after that what happened between us. So, not only I feel embarrassed about this. I propose to remain friends, and nothing more. It will be easier both for our friends and for us. I understand that it is time for both of us to move on but I would like us to continue to communicate easily and naturally. "
  7. 7 Try to communicate using technical means. If at the moment the guy is not able to communicate with you face to face, use email, chat clients, social networks or notes. In any case, do not become a persecutor and do not overload him with an endless stream of letters or ambiguous hints. Just a few messages in a light laid-back style for one reason or another.
  8. 8 If you tried all possible methods and nothing helped, reconcile. You need to know when to stop and leave him alone. If he does not want to make contact, so be it. Better direct your attention to more sociable friends. The world is full of other interesting people. No need to become a burden for him and complicate his life.
  • Relaxed gestures will help relieve tension - a slight smile, a naive shrug, or an appropriate joke about a suitable occasion.
  • The old adage “Time Heals” is truly true. Give him some time, and the tension between you can dissipate by itself.
  • Be patient. If you haven’t been able to make contact today, you’ll probably be more lucky tomorrow. If you are unsuccessful after 2 - 3 weeks, it may be worth a step back.
  • As a rule, men are prone to more severe emotional reactions than women. Although this is only a trend, and it is not inherent in everyone. For example, men are easier to piss off, but they need more time to calm down.
  • Remember that you can easily find yourself in an awkward position. If this happens, just laugh and change the subject. However, you should not do this too often, otherwise the guy may feel uneasy.
  • Try talking with him in the company of mutual friends. In such a situation, he will have to be polite and considerate. Nevertheless, there remains the possibility that he will still behave rudely and disrespectfully, although this will not do him any honor. But if you are in the company of reliable friends, they will support you.
  • Follow the boundaries of the relationship. If you need to maintain a relationship with him in a work or training team, there are boundaries that both of you should not cross. If the guy does not notice the permissible limits, tactfully point to them. If you seek personal relationships, these boundaries will be different. Do not give ambiguous hints and reasons for doubt.

Warnings

  • Accept reality. If someone categorically does not want to contact you, come to terms with this. This is the only way to maintain self-esteem. Prayers, demands for explanations, clarification of relationships - all this may seem necessary and appropriate, but in fact it only intensifies pain and despair and destroys the ability to fix everything.
  • Do not give in to despondency. If this happened to you, keep calm, do not fall into despair. Be older.
  • Be careful. Any person can radically change and turn into a completely different personality. If he is no longer that kind, attentive guy you knew well, and starts quarrels, just leave.
  • Any emotions that are too hot, such as anger, jealousy, contempt, fear and anxiety, can easily lead to violence.

When to ask for help

Take care of your safety. Try to avoid the following circumstances:

  • Unfamiliar places: if a guy invites you to meet in a place that is not crowded or unfamiliar to you, or offers to go somewhere together in his car, be careful. Tell your relatives where you are going and with whom, invite someone else with your boyfriend’s consent, offer to change the meeting place, or simply refuse such a meeting.
  • Any kind of threat: physical, verbal, sexual, psychological, any other types of intimidation. Although such actions do not necessarily mean direct violence or physical contact, they can create the impression on the victim, which means they can be considered an attack. As soon as you notice signs of aggression in a guy’s behavior, try to leave the venue. If the threat becomes real, go away immediately and call for help.
  • Attempts to prevent you from leaving: being alone with a guy whose integrity you are not sure of, be careful and try to immediately remember all the exits from the premises in case he wants to delay you or prevent you from leaving. It can block your way out, hold your hands, or otherwise block your movements in space. If this happens, DON'T TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT TO LEAVE - this will trigger more persistent attempts to detain you. Use any opportunity to leave the premises, even if you have to patiently wait for such an opportunity. If he continues to harass you when you leave, call the police or call for help.
  • Violence: any deliberate but illegal use of physical force, including not implying direct violence. The list includes:
    • Unwanted sexual intercourse - grabbing hands, touching unwanted places, etc. If you ask him to stop, but he refuses, he commits an offense.
    • Kicking or kicking, and other similar physical activities.
    • Other examples: Throwing objects to cause injury, forcing you to take medications or drugs against your will (this may include forcing injections, adding powders or tablets to drinks and food, or forcing them to swallow or inhale drugs), raising or using weapons in your direction, regardless of whether you are injured or not.
  • Inclination to sexual contact: if you do not want to have sexual relations, tell about it directly and unequivocally: "No", "I do not want", "Leave me alone." However, you do not need to repeat this constantly. If he insists, leave immediately. If he is chasing you, run away and call for help.

Hello. I do not ask for help, but please answer me. I’m almost 20 years old, and I still don’t have a relationship .. Previously, I didn’t really think about it, nobody likes it and that’s it, but now I understand that it’s entirely in me. I don’t know how to communicate with guys normally. I’ll tell you a little about myself. She was brought up in an incomplete family, only with her mother. I love her very much, she always did everything for me. They divorced my father when I was about 5. My mother had a relationship. She was not alone. I never liked her chosen ones. At school I studied without much interest. They didn’t love me there. They could joke evil, etc. It certainly influenced that I am closed. At school, I had friends boys of a class up to the 8th somewhere (then new students appeared in the class, and the relationship deteriorated for everyone). We just talked, walked. Nothing more. She graduated from school, no romance, not even a friend. At 17, I began to realize how offended I was at my father. How could he leave me? We never talked, even when when I was little, he was not at all interested in me. I entered the institute for the evening. There are only girls in the group. There was a lot of free time, I began to get acquainted on the Internet. At first I liked it. Met with one, with the other .. It's not that. One, two meetings, and I just cut off the conversation. This one is poorly dressed, there’s nothing to talk about .. That's all. Although they called me, they wrote. I'm pretty pretty, but honestly, no one has ever run and looked after me. Some time later, on the Internet, I met an adult m.ch. We communicate, I already understand that without this communication I can’t, as a result we met. I acted like a fool, either silent or carrying all sorts of nonsense. Then I realized that I was almost in love .. We didn’t have any relationship, we stopped talking. I have depression, I stared at the ceiling for two weeks, sat at home, just went crazy. Forgot him. About six months later, he recalled himself. I’m like a vegetable again, in a depressed state (it accompanies me very often now), I don’t know what to do, how to communicate. We met again, I’m all in my feelings. He immediately told me that there would be no relationship without sex. It all crippled me .. I can’t do it right away. We talked for a while, then met again, I behaved very ugly (the conversation did not support, the mood was terrible). And from that moment we do not communicate. I was very worried - again I do not want anything, etc. It was my first and only love. Now, I’m almost 20, but I don’t want to communicate with guys at all. Someone calls me for a walk - I immediately find some excuses. I can’t answer the phone, I’m lying that I’m leaving somewhere. I ask myself - Why? I guess I'm scared. I'm afraid to be alone with a guy, I don’t know how to behave, how to communicate. I seem to be uninteresting. On the one hand, I understand that I want a relationship. I want love, care. On the other, I think: Why do I need them? It’s not bad to be alone. As a result, now I do not want anything. When someone shows interest in me, I feel scared. Sometimes it’s so scary that everything is compressed inside. Absolutely no one likes, and even if I liked, I think I would have ruined everything intentionally .. I already understand that I just can’t be alone! I feel bad about it. All my mood swings (very frequent lately) are all due to this. I don’t want to be alone all my life. But if I do not change, it will be so.
When I communicate with guys, for example, at work, everything is fine. As soon as I feel that they are showing interest in me - that's all. In general, I constantly corner myself. I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t tell anyone about this. I know that I need to contact a specialist, but I'm embarrassed to talk about it. Answer me please. Thanks for attention.

What to do if you constantly ask yourself: what to do if you don’t know how to communicate with guys, is very shy? To begin with, stop being afraid of your problem and feel ashamed of it in front of others. In fact, there are so many modest girls around who simply behave in such a way that no one realizes their character and worldview. You can also become like that, you just need to reconsider some of your manners and views.

So, you should never be afraid of guys. In general, do not be alarmed by people. In fact, we humans have not moved so far away from dogs. When someone feels an animal fear of our unforgettable people, we begin to feel like kings, and almost unconsciously humiliate or insult a person so that he continues to bring us this feeling. Therefore, never let people express themselves and assert themselves at your expense. You are no worse than all of them, and most likely even better. Подумай, почему именно человек тебя недолюбливает и хочет обидеть, возможно, это просто зависть.

Помни всегда о том, что молодые люди любят уверенных в себе, но не самоуверенных. Therefore, just behave naturally in the company of new friends. You don’t need to tune yourself in that they don’t like you, that they will not be interested to listen to you. On the contrary, talk to them as if you know that in a couple of hours they will be stacked at your feet or called a friend.

Each person has a horse, its own special "chip", which helps to win people. For some, this is a sense of humor, for others, the mind, and for others - kindness. There is no fundamental significance in what kind of feature it will be. Just think carefully about what your friends and relatives love you the most, for what traits of character they praise and constantly emphasize. That is precisely what they need to be used as real weapons. Direct this quality to new friends and guys, develop it, and, over time, you will realize that it has become your skate.

The reasons that the girl asks questions such as what to do if I don’t know how to communicate with guys are very shy, most often there is a lack of male education, which then affected the ability to find contact with men. Many young girls who grew up in single-parent families and were raised by mothers and grandmothers simply do not know what to talk with guys about, how to behave. They absolutely do not understand the male representatives, so they are shy, afraid to say something wrong. In addition, they may have an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul from childhood and adolescence, when the guys offended and humiliated them.

All this must be forgotten once and for all. Children are cruel, and therefore do not try to understand their peers. But those days are long gone. A normal guy will never hurt a girl. If, however, he does the same, it means that such a male is not worth calling a male, and, moreover, continue to communicate with him.

Normal people can always appreciate you by their intelligence and sense of humor. So do not forget about these qualities when you start communicating with someone. If a girl silently looks at the floor and beats at least something to say, even the kindest and most positive people can not stand the long company of such a madame. People who do not know how to keep up a conversation are simply annoying, as it seems as if the company is unpleasant to them, and they disrespect others.

Therefore, try to forget about fear. Of course, at first it will not be easy, but you must gather all your will into a fist and force yourself to let go of all fears and doubts. Just be yourself, the way you are in the circle of those closest to you. Never stoop, do not bow your head, in general, do not choose for yourself the role of an unhappy victim, who is waiting for the ax to fall on her neck. Of course, you don’t need to be too self-confident and proud, especially if this image does not suit you at all. Try to be moderate in everything and adequately perceive reality. In many companies, there are not very nice personalities who can offend the word. But this does not mean that everyone else will be the same. Therefore, for starters, at least try to ignore the offender with dignity. It will take a little time, and you will learn how to beautifully and culturally fight back. You just need to believe in yourself a little. This faith will be given to you by people who will reach out, begin to communicate and make friends with you. If you manage to captivate new friends, soon, they will certainly become your friends. But for this you need not play a role, but be real and natural.

Also, many girls are completing because of their appearance. This can also be fixed. Ugly women do not exist, just some do not know how to emphasize their zest. To feel like yourself, try changing your wardrobe, hair and makeup. Choose a style that can hide everything that you do not like about yourself and emphasize the positive aspects. In addition, you can go in for sports, sign up for dances, in general, come up with a lesson that will positively affect your external data and skills, as well as bring joy.

The answer to the question: “What to do. If I don’t know how to communicate with guys: very shy ”lies directly in you. Every woman somehow hooks men. Someone with humor, someone with intelligence, someone with plastic. Do not look for the only right solution and make some lady your standard. Remember that you are an individual, therefore your behavior must also be unique and individual. If you copy someone, you will only cause laughter and bewilderment. You never need to be afraid of yourself. You are a smart, kind, peculiar, interesting person. There is always something in you that can please others, and, in particular, guys. Just learn to show it without thinking and not being afraid. And then, over time, you can forget about fear and constraint, and men will see in you a charming and confident girl.

To begin with, let’s say, how it is not necessary to communicate with guys (in particular) and with men (in general).

  • Do not try to seem too relaxed - if you do not want to be perceived as an option with which you can simply “have a good time”.
  • Do not talk too freely about sex - you can talk about this with your partner when your relationship is already strong enough. Therefore, no matter how excellent you were in control of the topic, communicating with guys (especially unfamiliar ones), keep your tongue locked.
  • Since we are talking about language - in the presence of guys (and men) always watch your expressions. You can communicate with your friends or friends as your darling desires, but talking to male guys is much more profitable for you (and I emphasize this word) almost in the language of a Turgenev girl.
  • Do not be afraid to seem ridiculous or backward and do not think about how to communicate with guys in order to attract their attention. Focus primarily on yourself and your spiritual comfort and behave naturally. So you force yourself to respect - a more solid foundation for relations between a man and a woman can hardly be found.

How to learn to communicate with guys?

The psychology of male and female personality is similar only by 18%. we react differently to the same event, think differently and even hear differently. Therefore, if you feel that you do not know how to communicate with guys - do not let this panic you, because thousands (not to say millions) of girls feel the same thing anywhere in the world.

How and what can be done to properly communicate with a man or guy? Of course, the happiest option is to have an intelligent intelligent person in your circle (regardless of whether it is a man or a woman). Any contact with him can be a great lesson in how to communicate beautifully not only with a guy, but also with people in general.

Perhaps you have a friend with whom you sometimes just throw a couple of phrases? Feel free to ask him about how, in his opinion, girls need to communicate with guys? Take an interest in which girls (and for what) his friends treat with respect, and which (and for what reason) were put on the “black lists”. To make it easier for you to start this conversation, keep in mind the following: it has been proven that men spend much more time on gossip than women.

If you are not lazy, read simple books about the psychology of men - this will also help you understand how to communicate with guys. The theory is good, but you will learn to skate only if you step on these skates. At the same time, of course, falls are also inevitable - sometimes quite painful. However, we have already said that communication, like any other action, is improved in the process of practical training (as if this phrase would not cut our ears).

Therefore, instead of thinking about how to communicate with guys, you just need to gradually begin to communicate with them - in those places where it is possible without the risk of being misunderstood. Look at every conversation with a guy as a kind of training and the opportunity to polish the technique of proper communication - no more.

How to start chatting with a guy?

By asking him any (except meaningless!) Question - how else? You will learn how to communicate with guys (and people in general) when you learn to ask questions that can become a topic for further conversation. And also - to answer such questions.

If we are talking about a guy with whom you have already started some kind of relationship - do not be shy to give him a compliment to break the awkwardness of the silence that has come. He is a living person, so leave him the right to feel embarrassment, excitement and confusion, and help him make your communication easier.

Both with a guy and with any man in general, you need to communicate so that he feels that a woman is in front of him. You may not believe me, but perhaps the best way to explain to you how to communicate with a guy is your grandmother.

Why am I writing this? Because in the behavior of a woman or girl there are timeless values ​​that even today fascinate men in the same way as a century and a half ago. If communication with your grandmother is difficult for any reason, maybe you will be lazy to re-read the beginning of the article?

This may sound strange to some, but many girls experience acute problems communicating with the opposite sex. This fact especially surprises men. It would seem that it is difficult to maintain a conversation with the interlocutor. However, many girls, even the most literate and educated, are lost during a meeting and do not know how to behave and what to say.

This article is just designed to ensure that the fair sex during communication with guys showed themselves only from the best side.

  • First rule , which should be mastered by girls who want to improve their relationship with the opposite sex, is: "It is forbidden to be imposed!" .

Requirements for an early date, numerous phone calls, SMS, messages on social networks, daily invitations to guests produce the opposite effect. It seems to the girls that in this way they show their location to the man they like. But this is not so. The other side begins to feel trapped in a certain framework, the guys seem to be trying to command and control them. Accordingly, there is an acute desire to get rid of such a girlfriend.

To prevent this from happening, the girls need to learn how to clearly feel the line between obsession and the manifestation of sincere sympathy. It is best to show your feelings when the initiative is in the hands of a man.

for example , with the desire to say flattering words or just talk, you can wait until he calls you or invites you to a date.

Do not overwhelm a man’s email with letters about how your day went. But to write a non-binding message that you liked the last meeting is possible, and sometimes even necessary.

  • When talking with guys, as mentioned above, no need to "load" the interlocutor their personal affairs.

If he will be interested in your life, he will certainly ask, you can not doubt it. For example, a half-hour story that your uncle Vasya came to visit, but you do not like it at all, is unlikely to leave a man with a pleasant impression. He will just become bored, and this is where your communication is likely to end.

In general, the conversation should be easy, not allowing the interlocutor to sink into your own thoughts.

  • A good mood is the key to successful communication.

But many girls, for some reason, sharply forget about it when it becomes necessary to maintain a conversation with a man. No one, including the guys, likes people who are constantly all bad. It is important for girls to learn the fact that men are not at all obligated to cheer up their girlfriend. Especially if the relationship is just starting to develop.

  • As they say, "meet by clothes."

This expression means not only that the girl should have a well-groomed appearance, but also how she knows how to present herself. This also includes how her speech is delivered. The main impression of a person after 5 minutes of communication. During this time, one can assess literacy, well-readness, and human culture.

Therefore, girls suffering from a lack of male attention, worth paying attention to your diction, structured sentences, clear pronunciation of words, etc.

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