Olga, mother, probably not in vain worried. You reason like a child.
Even the phrase "when we turned half a year then the problems started" indicates this :))! You are not half a year old! You and him, "in February it will be 19, and I turned 16 two weeks ago!"
You write that "I walk for 3.4 hours a day sometimes, and I’m not enough :)" - and it’s not the parties who measure the maturity of relationships, and study is not important to you? Judging by the text, the guy is not really! Mom sees and feels that not everything is so smooth in your relationship. And your "get married. I’m not going to get anywhere. I’m not getting married earlier than at 23" - these are the words of a not very mature person! Where did the figure 23 come from? And my mother, worried, means sex with a minor, an unwanted pregnancy, not your readiness, nor your partner for a serious relationship!
And the fact that "attached very strongly to each other" is not related to love! Addiction and love (love) - different!
As you know, single mothers hold on to their children much more tightly, even if they are already 30 years old and it’s time to start their own family. The reason here is utterly banal, an elderly woman is already eaten by fears:
- fear of loneliness
- fear of old age
- fear of death,
- fear for your life and well-being.
Of course, it is difficult to listen to poisonous comments about your soulmate and remain indifferent. And you understand that the matter is not at all in him, just something is happening with my mother, so sweet and kind, who suddenly turned into a real fury. And a purely childish resentment rolls over, as if mom was no longer mom at all, as if she had stopped loving you and wished you harm.
This is not so, mom is the same and loves no less, she just scared. Your little world has changed, and you have changed it, thereby taking away from the overly caring parent the initiative that she’s used to from your very birth. Having realized this, it will be a little easier for you to survive during a period of particularly active hostilities.
First option - persistent denial. If the daughter continues to behave with her mother as affectionately and carefully as before, does not respond to her attacks, and continues to meet her beloved, over time, the parent's heart can calm down. However, in practice this approach does not always work.
Second option - run away and away. You have already grown up, and the time has come for your own life, your own family and your own choice. To make it within the walls of your home is almost impossible. A decent distance will give you and your mom a break. She will have time to think and reconcile. In the end, she did not want to lose her daughter.
Staying at home, succumbing to persuasion, pitying the closest person, you will not only sign your own powerlessness, you will put an end to your personal life. Do not hesitate: a concert that succeeds at least once in a lifetime will become a crown number. In addition, the mother will have extra time to earn extra points.
Imagine that every day, the path and extremely kindly remind you that you deserve more. Just a little more, and you yourself will begin to look dismissively at your man. Such is the almost limitless power of the mother word, if not for most of us, then for so many.
There is a third option the development of events - to leave the beloved in the hope that over time, having reviewed a lot of applicants, mother will come to his senses and sigh with regret about the first and only one that he personally drove out of your life. And here a lot will depend on you.
Since "How to Return a Beloved" is a topic for a separate article.
Reasons for rejection
And where did you get the idea that the husband directly hates the child? Men are the owners, there is no escape from this. And that could be the reason for such a cool relationship. A boy or girl is a clear reminder that once you belonged to another man. Another possible option is that your husband is simply afraid of responsibility and does not know how to approach the child. Therefore, it is easier for him to be at a great distance.
The third reason is complexes coming from childhood. If he lived in a patriarchal family, they could instill an extremely negative attitude towards children outside of marriage. Previously, such children were considered bastards. And since the woman did not have any special rights, her child remained overboard of the family and did not have the right to claim an inheritance. Despite the fact that now many have been equalized, the prejudices are still strong.
And finally, another reason. If you have a boy, and the man is indifferent to him, it seems that he is not fair to him, the problem may be in his idea of raising his son. After all, the boy is not supposed to show feelings, he should not be weak-minded. The husband may think that by being gentle, he will thereby harm the baby.
Rights and obligations
Moving away from the upbringing of your child, the man essentially evades his duties as head of the family. Ne love - his right to ensure a friendly atmosphere he is obliged. So talk about it. Maybe the husband simply does not imagine what his task is? Specify specifically what you expect from him. NDo not demand kissing him at night or hugging him, calling him a son - it will be very difficult for him. But he can read a bedtime story, walk and so on.
Carry all that applies to the child. Say that it hurts you very much when he sprinkles on a kid or openly ignores his requests. Let for him your krovinushka is a stranger’s child, for you it’s his own little man. If the husband does not want to make efforts on himself to make friends, it makes you doubt love.
Observe the behavior of the child
Perhaps he himself repels your husband, finding him guilty for breaking up with his dad. Then you will need to have patience and periodically arrange family councils, where you will all learn to find compromises together. Try not to talk about the relationship between husband and son or daughter with the child. This may give the baby a reason to use your contradictions to destroy relations with your husband.